


The Very Cup of Trembling

by Zeiskyte



Category: Persona 5
Genre: (Sort of) Embdded Narrative, Gen, Goro coming to terms with killing Akira in the interrogation room, Late Night Goro Thoughts, Robin Hood Loki and Shido are sort of in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeiskyte/pseuds/Zeiskyte
Summary: The night he kills Kurusu, Goro finds himself lying on his back in Inokashira Park.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren (one-sided), Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira (one-sided), Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist (One-Sided)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86
Collections: Quality Persona Fics





	The Very Cup of Trembling

**Author's Note:**

> I reread a bunch of the poetry collections I got for my creative writing classes and here we are. This can be read as Shuake, but I think Goro killing his only "friend" would hurt quite a lot as well.

The night he kills Kurusu, Goro finds himself lying on his back in Inokashira Park. The gun is tucked away in his coat's inner breast pocket, and it sits heavily against his chest - a reminder. The weight of the silencer is harder to distinguish, but Goro knows it was there nonetheless; he had slid it back into place after the job. The November air is frigid and under his skin, ice water swims in his veins - bone-chilling, freezing.

His peacoat offered negligible resistance to the chill of the earth, grass licking against the smallest slivers of exposed skin around his wrists. It must have lightly snowed earlier in the day, tiny remnants of frost coating the leafy stems. He had to rely on these shallow deductions, considering he had spent his entire afternoon and evening in Sae's palace and wrapping up his business in the interrogation room in the hours that followed.

(After he had shot Kurusu, Goro boarded the train to his apartment, feet carrying him while his thoughts spiraled downward. _Kurusu is dead_ , he thought numbly as he took a hang ring into his left hand. _He bled_. ~~His legs were shaking.~~ The train had been quite unsteady that day. His gloved fingers tightened around the handle, stabilizing himself. He had forgone his attaché case today, opting to keep his weapon close to his chest, and his right hand itched for the familiar weight.)

Goro shuts his eyes with a sigh. The Phantom Thieves will be _devastated_. In his mind's eye, he can see Sakamoto punching a wall, cursing loudly. Takamaki would bury her face into her hands, and cry and cry and cry. Morgana, pacing around in circles before curling up into a defeated ball under a barstool. Wrapping his arms around himself, Kitagawa would stare blankly at a scratched booth table and wonder how a tragedy such as this could occur. Niijima, turning away from the screen broadcasting the news, gasping through her sobs over how horrible it was. Sakura - curling into herself, sinking into her seat, pressing her headphones against her ears as if it could block off the sound of Kurusu's death. And Okumura, still unable to fully mourn her father, covering her mouth with her hands as she prepares to mourn a friend as well.

Guilt sits heavily in his stomach. In the silence, Robin Hood seemed to be asking, _is this thy justice?_

( _Do you know what growing up means?_ Loki whispered from deep in his soul, echoing against the bones of his ribcage, an ubiquitous reminder. _It means learning to do what is necessary - and dealing with the consequences of what you have done_.)

A breath, and - he opens his eyes, lazily tracing the constellations strewn across the night sky. The difference between a villain and a monster is the will to do what is necessary, and it is a difference Goro knows as intimately as his own name.

Once upon a time, in the years before he learned the name Shido Masayoshi, he might have been a child. Born with cursed blood in his veins, his own mother committed suicide to escape the burden of having Akechi Goro as her son. As soon as he accepted the gun from his father, the child was gone. With the safety off, the _bang_ reverberating throughout Mementos, the dissipating shadow that was once Isshiki Wakaba, the final whimpers of _please, let Futaba live_ \- the killer remained.

 _Good stories start with the death of a child_ , crimson claws scrape against his heart, intensity a growing crescendo. _Who said it couldn't be yourself?_

The cadence of Robin Hood's baritone matches the rhythm of Goro's own heartbeat; in the wake of it all, his voice intoning an incessant _Akira, Akira, Akira._

(Exiting the train, Goro took heavy steps towards his connecting ride. His head spun. _I ~~shot him. I shot him. I shot him.~~_ Trains came and left, strangers blurred past him, and Goro found himself on the wrong line, halfway to the stop at Yongen-Jaya. ~~_Akira is dead._~~ Once again in standing room, he gripped the hand ring beneath his fingers. _Why am I going to Leblanc?_ He clenched his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. _The Thieves will kill me on the spot._ )

When the phone rings, it's the Devil.

" _Is it done?_ " He asks, voice cold. There's a threat underlying those three words, and Goro decides to swallow down his remorse.

Eyes catching on the constellation directly above him - something resembling a box with a lone star branching away from it - he says, "Yes, sir." There is no inflection in his voice, no ebb and flow to betray the storm growing in his chest. "The leader of the Phantom Thieves commit suicide a few hours ago."

The Devil hums in approval. " _Good work_ ," he says, and then the drone of an ended call fills Goro's ear.

 _Good work_ bounces around his stomach, tickles every inch of his spine. It's a song in a dream whose words burn Goro's hands like light; _Good work_.

(With swift steps, he avoided crowded backstreets and a cafe that felt more like home than his apartment ever would, took turn after turn, and stopped when the tips of his shoes touched water. Belatedly, he realized he had arrived at Inokashira Park in his haze. In his early morning bike trips, he quite enjoyed riding out here. Watching the sun rise from behind the trees, painting the horizon pink, red, and gold, Goro could forget what awaited him once the rest of the world awoke.)

He lets his head fall, honey brown hair a perfect halo for an imperfect being. On the back of his eyelids, he can see Kurusu - crimson cascading down his pale face, slate gray eyes unseeing. No glasses to hide behind, eyes shy of life's spark. The next blink paints a new picture: Kurusu, cheek pressed against the interrogation table - a sickening _squelch_ when his head hit the metal, hand collapsing next to it. Fingers unfurled and palm upturned, seeking silent salvation - a gun slipped into the space between. _Good work_ , Goro thinks to himself.

 _Thou hast chosen thy father over Akira?_ Robin Hood murmurs melancholically, _is this truly thy path to justice?_

Justice? What a laughable concept. _Justice_ has never fed him. _Justice_ has never clothed him or provided him a roof over his head. It was a gun in his hand and the will to fire that earned him his worth. He would not cling to justice with the desperation of a wronged _child_ \- not when he possessed the audacity to make something greater of himself.

(Unsteadily, he stumbled through the woods, leaning his weight on trees as he passed. ~~_I killed Akira_.~~ He panted, pushing himself forward. When he could no longer walk, he sunk to his knees and pressed his back against a tree. _I killed Akira._ )

Goro covers his face with his hands, fingernails leaving indents across the curve of his forehead, and feels the beginning of tears. _I killed Akira_.

The beauty of the dream fades, and Goro is left with breathless horror and disgust churning his insides.

**Author's Note:**

> Goro is looking at [the _corvus_ constellation](https://www.constellation-guide.com/constellation-list/corvus-constellation/), pun intended.
> 
> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Zeiskyte)!


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